Just before my mother left me in my new home in San Diego she told me that I would need to take the time to "mourn" my old life

And me, being so mature and level headed said "thank you for the advice Mother. I will of course take that in to account and not at all be surprised when it actually does happen."

OR I went "yeah, yeah I get it. I think I'll just be too happy to be back here, but thanks."

Yeah, yeah I get it. You see back when I graduated from high school (a million billion years ago) I remember the night before the big graduation ceremony I was in my bed trying to go to sleep, but I couldn't. I was so sad, high school over, change a coming, how to handle all of this change, how to become the college student, the future adult. I remember in my head Boyz II Men's (REMEMBER THEM? That must date me a little) Say Goodbye to Yesterday playing in my head and me having this random montage of moments pop into my head (life... tv show...), dance parties in the parking lot, picnics at the park, "cruising" through town, parties at Jo's house, walking through a screen door at Tawne's... eventually it passed but there it was, loss of one life, moving on to the next.

Mourning the loss of my other San Diego life (the "noone told you life would ever be this way" 20 something one) seemed like it would come and go one random day when I had to miss out on something stupid (like a big old St Patty's day party in OB) and then I'd be like "man that sucks" and then I'd move on. That's about as sad as I was going to get, because there was so much to be happy for (I was out of the burbs, back in SD, living near the beach... OUT OF THE BURBS).

And then all these financial shinanigans reared their ugly head.

There is a big part of me that wishes I could just ignore it a while longer. Don't I have all the time in the world to worry about my financial future? Come on, it's not like I'm planning to buy a house or something.

"You're 28," Husband said. "You should really start thinking about those kinds of investments. You should start thinking about investments in general."

Should I? I'm 28, that's not 38 or 48, that's still in my twenties. I still have two years to mess and flitter about and be generally annoying in my belief that "everything is going to work out fine with or without paying bills on time. I'm young and fancy free!" The twenties is that time, right?

"Except we have a daughter."

And that... makes you think a little.

Baby... one has to start thinking beyond their little bubble where you ask your parents to float you a couple hundred so you can take care of this bill or that. One has to remember that they are now the parents, I am now a parent. And what legacy, what future do I want for her? Shouldn't I start now (sooner rather than later)?

Last night, after a LOOOOONG day, when I put my head down on the pillow next to Baby and watched her sleep I thought about my old life. How (sure it was Monday) but I could have been out to dinner with Vee and Jay, drowning my financial distress in Sangria, getting moral support from random strangers at a bar, having another funny story to tell... and I just got sad.

That was my old San Diego life...

"What's the matter?" Husband whispered when he came in to rub my back.

"Mom said I would have to mourn my old life. She said it would be a process of letting go, grief, acceptance of the new life."

"And?"

"And I'm mourning. I'm mourning the loss of 21 and over street festivals and spending my last 20.00 on sunglasses and going to a movie on Tuesday night and beer for no reason and not worrying about savings and dinners on credit cards and weekend trips to Las Vegas and loud music in the car and days off of work just because and bringing people back to my place for the after party and buying shit at Target..."

Husband smiled "I'm sure, eventually, you will be able to buy shit at Target again."

A few tears fell. "I just hate when my mother is right."

"Well," Husband said "I won't tell if you won't."