Another reason I don't live in LA (besides the traffic and the traffic and the traffic)

The spin. Everybody in LA spins. If you're a lazy, roll about, likes to hang out and sound cool guy you become a "writer" or a "producer." If you're working part time at a Taco Bell and carrying around your first screen play looking for funding you're an "up and coming director." If you're sitting at home watching your Baby throw random plastic toys in your direction while thinking about all the things other people are doing you're me... which should have some better title to it.

It seems all around me that people have something going on, some larger project and bigger purpose. Or people are just having more fun than I am. And each day (lately) I wake up and take care of another one of those mundane things that you just have to take care of (and when you're Angelina Jolie you get your assistant to take care of): like today I went to the Social Security Office and waited in line so that I could request a new social security card.

And then I took baby to a softball game so she could hang out with her cousins.

I tried to get something from the softball game. Something about how here I am at home, hanging with my family, watching little girls cheering each other on, watching my little cousins pitch and hit and chew gum like they are the toughest players out there.

But instead I started thinking about what everybody else was doing. Like how my Aunt has started her own non profit and will be hiring a helper to help her make a movie about her non profit that she got funding for...

Or how my cousin just finished a big display for a museum, which she wrote, designed and put together.

Or how my friend is moving to London to live with the man she loves (at least for the next six months).

Or how my other cousin is finishing up her public policy degree and will be applying for a big time, big paying, big old job.

Or how my mother is preparing for a huge project next week, of which the community is relying on her.

And how today... I went to the Social Security office and took baby to a softball game.

Lately I have been unable to steal a moment to myself to work on my dreams and passions and thing that I would list at an LA party. I am unable to claim those things that people would expect me for, what am I working on getting published next (a short story, two that I was almost finished with), what is my next main goal (I have a program to apply for), how the job search is going (I have two jobs I need to finish letters for), what would I write in my big book of goals (something about finishing my book AND screenplay).

Things just seem so on the cusp lately. Spinning around, like that last bit of water that you're waiting to go down the drain, the bit that seems to take longer then the rest of it. Just spinning and spinning with no end in sight...